I know I am totally in denial, but I keep expecting for my Mama to wake up at any moment, and I struggle with trying to prolong her life and only keeping her comfortable. I don't know what I would do without her, and it hurts my whole body to think about it.
So many people have come by today and yesterday, and I think it gives me hope in a lot of ways - hope that my mother, who has so many friends and family, will not leave us all when we need her so much; hope that our prayers will keep her going; hope that she will wake up and lecture me on what I should be doing that I'm not, or what Im not doing that I should be.
This is such a devastating experience - especially when I think about the fact that she was still arguing with me - and all her doctors yesterday morning. And looking at her I keep thinking that she'll open her eyes and start telling me what I need to do now.
I don't know how I'll survive this.
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